Should we Still be Farmers?

I sit here in an Anthropologie dress and Badgley Mischka shoes, asking a big question. Should we still be farmers? To say I am a minimalist, non-materialistic farmer would be a lie. You see I've always had this shopping "problem". It's always been a part of who I am. Maybe it is a trait I inherited from my grandma. The woman used to get Christmas cards from QVC, that's how much she shopped. Anyways, back to the question...

Should we still be farmers?

This question has come up from time to time when farming gets frustrating. In the past, I've been able to subconsciously ask the question and answer it with a yes in mere seconds. This week is a different story.

Up until this week farming has been frustrating from time to time but we could always handle it. I could always handle having grass stained knees and getting muddy from time to time (especially when our puppy jumps on us). This week changed things. Farming hasn't only become something where you get a little muddy and you get a little grass stained but it now involved getting a little bloody.

In case you didn't hear our earlier update this week, our hog Belle miscarried 4 stillborn babies. Thankfully Keith and I were there to support her through the whole process. The babies became stuck but we were able to help her pass them all. Keith and I did not come from farming backgrounds. This was a new situation for us to say the least. We struggled, prayed, and leaned on each other. We are both such positive people that even though the vet said none of the babies would make it (because they were 3 weeks premature), we had hope with every baby that passed that it would be "the one" to make it. At one point I raced a pig into the house to get warm because I thought I saw it move. I think it was a muscle reflex but I held that baby piglet until I knew every chance of it's survival was gone. Tears poured down my face.When I thought the pain couldn't get any worse, as momma had trouble passing the last baby, we could see her distress. We quite honestly didn't know if she was going to make it. I wanted to take the pain away from her. I held her, rubbed her, and cuddled next to her as Keith helped her pass the last baby. This week broke me.

Farming and having a homestead was always this dream I had deep inside of me. I haven't always been able to explain it but I've always had a positive outlook on it.

Nature isn't always fair. After talking to the organization we belong to for our hog's breed, we ruled out any environmental or food causes. I don't want to go into details but nature was the cause and there was nothing we could have done to prevent the miscarriage. Unfortunately this happens. This did not make the loss any easier.

The grief we felt was rough and left the question lingering, can we be farmers? All I know is I don't think I can face that kind of loss again. This can happen with other livestock we invest in. That terrifies me. Is it really worth it?

Back to what I'm wearing. I'm currently dressed up because I just got home from a wedding. During the wedding a huge wind/thunderstorm was going on. 40% of the wedding we spent time on our phone, watching the cameras, to make sure all the animals were okay. Because having a homestead, and choosing to raise living things means putting your animals first sometimes. That was always something I could handle. Just as I could always handle having grass stained knees and getting muddy from time to time.

We are in our 20's, shouldn't we be spending nights out focused on each other and having fun? Shouldn't we get to go out more and dress up? Vacation more? Stay out late and sleep in the next day? Why did we get ourselves into this? Are we crazy?

Let's recount our past failures. We invested hundreds of dollars into saving the bees and lost them all last winter and didn't get any honey this year with our reinvestment. Our garden isn't always successful if we don't have the time to put into it. Sometimes our chickens protest on us and don't give us eggs. Yet day in and day out, one of us (if not both of us) are spending time religiously taking care of this little thing we call a farm. EVERYDAY IS A GRIND.

It's not all unicorns, farts, and rainbows in the words of Justin Rhodes, one of our biggest farming role models. He keeps us reflecting and inspired. I will talk about him later in this blog.

A lot of times on social media you just see the smiles but now we are showing your our grief. Don't worry, there's a silver lining to this blog.

This week was not only a time of loss but it was a lesson in why we got into farming/homesteading in the first place.

I started this blog telling you I'm sitting in a fancy dress with designer heels. Like I said, I can't say I'm a minimalist person. I can tell you that when I'm farming, when I'm with my animals, and I have the opportunity to appreciate nature at it's simplest form, it's one of the times I'm most happy. To live a minimalist lifestyle in that way makes me feel like I'm becoming a person.

Slowly I'm finding reasons it's worth it.

I watched a vlog of Justin Rhodes, our family family farm vlogger. I'll attach the video below. Once a year he takes his sons on a boys camping trip. They get away from their farm for a bit to take time to be one with nature and to talk to his boys about what it means to be a man and a farmer. Honestly following his journey with farming and watching his kids grow up is so motivating. His boys are some of the most down to earth, genuinely kind, intelligent, and well rounded kids I've ever seen. To know they grew up in a homesteading environment makes me want to keep homesteading so it's an opportunity I can offer my future children as well. This is an experience I really want them to have.

As much as working with your husband can be a challenging thing, people say don't mix business and pleasure and there is some reasoning behind that. Sometimes we look at one another and talk each other like we are business partners and not husband and wife. It puts different pressure on a marriage, pressure that some marriages don't ever have to face. Going through this loss with Keith has strengthened our relationship. We had to grieve together, not blame on each other, and support each other. Farming has taught us to be strong and keep our faith, even in times we don't have control.

Lastly, farming has become such a huge part of who we are. I can imagine not having to wake up early but I can't imagine not crossing the pine tree line and getting to watch my beautiful animals. Plus, what would Makita protect if there was no farm? I can't imagine not seeing my husband as a farmer. It is so much of who he is, a huge part of why I love him. It's become so much of who I am as well. Heck, what would I even talk about if I didn't have my animals to talk about. My summer mornings with my feathered friends will outweigh the cold mornings we are racing to take care of our animals.

We will continue to farm. Thanks for supporting us on this journey and thank you for all the kind messages you have sent us this week.

Reflecting back on this poem I posted a year or two ago, really puts things into perspective as well: